Lacking focus

As most of my friends know, my job is a source of many headaches in my life. It's not that i even dislike what i do, it's more that my boss is a manic depressive Jekyll and Hyde of a human who can love you one minute and be telling you to jump out a window the next (true story).
So then i think to myself, okay Julia... what is it you really want to do with your life? figure that out and you can leave this place forever. I mean, isn't this the question you're supposed to answer at 17 so you can choose a post secondary school? Isn't this the question some people have figured out from like, birth? and what happens when you don't?

From 14 on all i wanted to do was produce music. I wanted to work in a recording studio or work for a record label and be surrounded by music for the rest of my life, and i certainly was not some prodigy musician so that route was out. After a shaky end to my high school career i actually did get into a music business management program, and hated it. So since then, I've been in this weird turmoil of trying to get my life plan back on track, and in the process i landed here, at a catering and event planning company running the office for a fucking Robert Louise Stevenson character.

I saw an old friend last weekend who i would consider to be successful in so many ways. He has a job where he's part owner and is totally appreciated by his employers... he looks at it like "but it's retail", and i look at it like "YEAH but it's shoe retail and you love sneakers so who cares.". He also runs his own clothing/streetwear line, has an unreal apartment in the heart of the city, and is just generally one of those people i know i can count on to tell me things how they really are. What i found interesting about our conversation is that even he seems to be in the same sort of head space that i am. We're at a point now where, for the most part, we have our shit figured out. But where to go next is still a very big mystery.

I've been at this point now for longer than i'd like to admit. When you base your life around a plan that doesn't work out and costs you quite a bit of money it's hard to start that process over again (especially when you no longer live with your parents). I am one of those people who is considerably good at a lot of things, but not necessarily great at anything. Choosing something at this point to pursue as a "for-sure-i-want-to-do-this-for-the-rest-of-my-life-and-i-can-be-successful-doing-so" life path is, for lack of a better term, really fucking hard. I'm not 17 anymore. I have bills, and rent, and a day job i need to keep if i even want to dream of going back to school part time. It's all more than a bit overwhelming, and as the time passes it just gets worse. The pressure mounts as i feel like there's so much more i could be doing with my life and the longer it takes for me to make a decision, the more stuck i feel.

I am not trying to have a pity party. My actions are my own and i am where i am for a reason, but i can't help but feel like more and more people are ending up in positions similar to my own, and there has to be a reason for that. And to those of you who have already found what they were put here to do, i am happy for you and envious of you at the same time. But for now i spend my days trying to picture myself in a place where i actually fit, and hopefully i'll find it sooner than later.